I've often heard from parents that having a kid will change your life. In fact, I think, most parents will tell you this, but likely, everyone has a different meaning for how that change is defined.

I find that I've been having a lot of parent moments since O was born, moments that I'm not sure I ever anticipated. I knew that having a baby would be life-changing, I'd have been a fool to think otherwise. But I suppose I always thought about those changes more as logistics.

Of course, I'm increasingly a spend-thrift, having changed my plan of saving money to reflect things like college and other future kid-related expense. Of course, I've changed the way I spend my free time...oh wait, I don't have that anymore. Of course, I've changed the time I go to work because daycare only opens at 7:30 a.m.

These things I expected.

I did not expect -

to feel like I would be brought to tears when I saw the 3-year-old girl at the pool yesterday who had to walk with assistance from a cane because her legs were not totally functional.

to feel like I never want to make fun of anyone ever again in my life, because that person is someone's child, and that child could be my own, and how would I feel if I heard someone teasing my child for...for whatever reason. And we're all just people anyway trying to live our lives.

to lay awake at night, terrified that someone is going to crawl in the upstairs window and kidnap O, or that the bridge we're driving over will collapse and i'll not be able to get him out of his carseat, or, or, or any number of other terrible things.

to feel totally happy just watching him stack blocks or look at a book or say the word "blueberry" 12 hundred times in a row.

I did not expect the compassion within me. (True, I may still hold it for moments of privacy when no one else is looking, but it's there.) I did not expect so many moments of utter compassion for other people's children and the hand they've been dealt. I have always hated bullies, but I suddenly feel infinitely more defensive of children who are or have the potential to be bullied.

Their innocence makes it hard for me to breathe sometimes. And I never thought having a child of my own would make me want to protect them all.