GERRRRRRR

Well if turning 30 didn't make me feel old, then finding out that my GRE results have expired sure does make me feel it. I took the GRE ten years ago, which is past the cut-off for what graduate school admissions will accept...And since I've decided to apply to Epidemiology PhD programs for next fall, it appears that I have to retake my GRE.

Why?! Why, why, why?!

Have I suddenly become infinitely dumber than I was ten years ago? I'd understand if it was a subject test, but I have to retake the general GRE. This is such a ridiculous marketing scam. All the more reason to hate ETS is all I have to say about that. When I took the test in 2000, it was around $100. Now it's $160! Are you kidding me? That could pay for an entire semester of school in Lesotho. Absurd!

You would think that because I already have a graduate degree and ten years of professional experience, not to mention publications, stellar references and a brain full of enthusiasm, I would be exempt from this crap. Nope. On Oct 23, I will be sitting in a windowless room, in front of a computer terminal with a bunch of 21-year-old college students, clicking through lists of antonyms and analogies.
Someone explain to me how knowing that excoriate and calumny are in the family of words that mean "criticize or criticism" is going to prove that I am capable of taking a population level data set and making maternal and child health policy. Someone. Anyone?

ETS I remonstrate you. I decry your manipulative marketing. I would like to lambaste the evil mastermind who bought out all of academia. You impugn my real skills and abilities with your spurious assumption that I no longer am capable of owning a PhD program.

GRE...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

(And there ends my diatribe)