The Wrong Body

I think I'm starting to understand why people have sexual reassignment surgery. It always seemed like a strange concept to me that someone born a woman felt so strongly that she was a man that she would have surgery to make her one. Not that I condemn it or anything, I just could never really understand what it meant to feel like I was living in the wrong body.
But I realize that one of the things that I struggle with is not altogether different from someone who is transsexual.

In some sense, I, too, feel like I am living in the wrong body. Or better yet, I am living in a body that is not compatible with what my personality desires. I am an athlete, psychologically first and foremost I guess. And countless times I think, "I could be so much better at what I want to do if I had a different body." I mean, come on, let's face it, I have the body of a porn star (albeit a currently out-of-shape, slightly rough around the edges, porn star). And this body is not conducive to may athletic related things, namely 1) buying athletic clothing, 2) running at maximum velocity, or 3) things that involve jumping.

(And I won't even get into how having children has wrecked my ability to be athletic even further.)

So I want to live in a different body because I feel like it would mesh better with the things I want to do in my life. I feel constrained by my body. Though I have mostly done what I've wanted to do athletically over the years, this is always something I think about. "Wouldn't it be nice if my body were....?"

I was watching the US Open last night, and Serena Williams was playing. Yup. Big-bodied, Serena Williams. She's at the top of the athletic world, her body hasn't hindered her (maybe it's even helped). I wonder if she's ever felt in the wrong body, too.

Of course, I'll go on doing the things I love, on the field, in the pool, on the road. Truth be told, I think I'll always wish I had a more athletic body type. And while I still don't totally understand wanting to be sexually reassigned (what a weird term), I am a little closer to feeling empathetic to people who feel that they are in the wrong body.