Letting Go

It's been a long, long relationship. The longest one I've ever had, in fact.  Nothing has shaped my life quite like this relationship. And it is with trepidation, that I now realize that I have to end it.

I've been playing ultimate for 16 years, and as I walked into the gym today to do a two hour sports performance session, it hit me like a slap in the face. "I'm done." I said it last year, too, but I didn't really listen to myself then. I played through my injuries, 5 tournaments in 6 weekends, Nationals, Potlatch, Fall League, Hopu, and on and on. I thought I could fight through the back pain coming from the disc I herniated probably 4 years ago; or the throbbing misery that has become the ankle that feels like it's going to shatter every time I cut for the disc; or even the world's tightest hamstrings from ever increasing dynamic and agility training.

Nope. It's really just not going to get better, I realized today. I took time off last year to heal from the hip flexor issues. I did everything I could to make my body how it needed to be for ultimate performance. And still, I hurt.

So, at long last, with a fear in my heart, I've decided to walk away, so that in ten years...I can still walk.  And somehow, after the sadness subsided this afternoon, I realized that I feel so free. I can do what I want on Friday nights. My entire weekend won't be comprised of painfully sprinting down the field. I'll have time to do all the other things I've been wanting to do. Like hiking, and swimming and more surfing!

It's definitely not going to be easy to see other people playing and not just jump in. But my body has been telling me that enough is enough for the past two years. So now, at long last, my mind is going to listen.

It's been an incredible journey. Ultimate has defined my entire adult life, and I'm so grateful to have had so many amazing frisbee communities over the years.  But it's time to move on.

So, slowly, with a head turned over my shoulder, and tears in my eyes, I walk away.