From Russia with Love

Dear Baby in Belly -
The Hawaii State Director of Health came to your third and final baby shower yesterday. Seems like you're already a pretty special little guy! You even tried to punch her when she touched my belly. Or maybe it was a high-five. We have a whole house full of baby stuff now; swing, stroller, diapers, bathtub, etc, etc. All that's missing now is you.

There's still 3 1/2 weeks until you're supposed to arrive, and while I try patiently to pass the time, I find that instead of repeatedly folding the tiny clothing in your closet, I am viciously trying to figure out my next professional move. It turns out, baby, that your momma - still - doesn't want to be restricted by working hours, vacation days, and all those things that fall into something probably called "equity". Unfortunately, a lot of the time, this is misinterpreted as your momma not wanting to work, when actually, it's much the opposite. I want nothing more than to work, to work on something challenging and stimulating and novel. Only I want to do it under my own conditions. And particularly now because you are about to get here and I want to spend as much time with you as possible. I want to strap you into the baby carrier and solve global health problems with you in tow. Or you in front of me while I do data analysis from my computer at home. (I could even teach you how to write statistical code! Though some may see that as child abuse ;)

I found a job listed today for a consultant to do data analysis for a global health project, including travel to Russia in June. Too perfect. Too, too perfect. Professionally, that is. Because, personally, it seems like it would be the wrong thing to do when you are only two months old. Ultimately, I would be doing it to make life better for you; to generate more and more business; to have more income; to make your life more comfortable. But I think I would have to keep doing that, over and over, with the goal of eventually getting to spend more time with you. Only by the time I felt like I could take a breather to be with you, you might already be 18 and going to college.

So maybe I'll just let this job pass by, knowing that there will always be more opportunity when the time is better. And instead, I'll write a thank you letter to the Director of Health and remember that there are probably more options here in Hawaii than I may be willing to admit.

Love
Your ever pensive mother