Digging up Darwin

Becky: "Come on, Darwin! What the fuck?"

Darwin: "I beg your pardon, dear."

Becky: "Dude, I don't care if you're just the messenger. Why'd you have to go and screw with me?"

Darwin: "Forsooth, I did no such thing."

Becky: "Forsooth? FOR - FUCKIN - SOOTH?! Seriously. I'm thrashing my brain around inside my skull trying to understand this stuff."

Darwin: "What, pray tell, has you at ills?""

Becky: "You, Darwin. You and your theories. I think I've spent the better part of the last decade trying to rationalize everything I do to the evolution you instigated. And I thought that when all my bullshit and insecurities and pretending washed out, that the EvoBio stuff would wash away, too. But the happier I am, the more secure I feel, the WORSE THIS RATIONALIZATION GETS."

Darwin: "Calm yourself, young child. I know not of what you speak."

Becky: "Well, Mr. Smartypants, riddle me this: Why do I spend more time than I care to admit thinking about BOYS?! Why, in the midst of trying to save the world and do all these crazy cool professional things, in the midst of great socialization and friendship development, and in the midst of really doing everything to take care of myself, DO I STILL FUCKING THINK ABOUT BOYS?"

Darwin: "In truth, this is of little consequence to me."

Becky: "Well, I pulled you out of your grave, so now it is of consequence to you, cause I'm not putting you back in until you give me some answers."

Darwin: "Would it trouble you to furnish me with one of those Big Macs. If I am to live in this modern world, albeit briefly, I am apt to fully cherish it!"

Becky: "Okay. Whatever. Eat your fuckin' Big Mac. But tell me, Darwin. How do I break the cycle of seeking companionship?"

(Ketchup smeared and grinning like a baby)Darwin: "You shalln't do such a thing. 'Tis quite impossible."

Becky: "But..."
Interrupting, Darwin: "Your genes, as a woman, have selected nurturing. In order to accomplish such a magnanimous feat, you shall constantly and repetitiously seek a partner. In truth, this is quite the only way to successfully carry on your gene pool."

Becky: "Ugh. Aren't we past our k? Shouldn't evolution tell me to stop procreating and nurturing and looking for a mate with which to do this? All this gene propagating is wrecking our world."

Darwin: "Avast, child!" Burps up Coke used to wash down the Big Mac. "I do beg your pardon. Now, avast. Truthfully, you could not believe that evolutionary changes occur in such a reduced time scale."

Becky: "No."

Darwin: "You sit on the cusp, the evolutionary cusp, of grand change. One should not be wrong to believe that gene selection, and thus phenotype expression, will select for less pronounced mating desire. However, this will be, as I have previously indicated, quite a long time from the present."

Becky: "So, you're saying I'm fucked?"

Darwin: "I have uttered not such a word."

Becky: "So, I'm not fucked??"

Darwin: " 'Tis not a matter of - ah - how you have stated. Henceforce, I suggest that one in your predicament think less of the chemical and evolutionary rationale for said actions. Rather, it may behoove you to consider what will be most delightful in life, not how best you shall fight or not this thing we call evolution."

Becky: "Okay. So what you're saying is, I should stop thinking so much and just do what feels right?"

Darwin (after wiping his mouth with his sleeve): "Right on."